Getting Laid Not Depressing

One of the big ticket lies that government sponsored abstinence-only sex education is required to sell us is the idea that having sex before you are married will lead to mental health problems, specifically depression.

And while its certainly true that sex can make life more complicated, and depending on the sex, more depressing, it can also make life more fun, beautiful, interesting and engaging. And I think most sexual health educators would agree that there's a balance, and that the benefits usually outweigh the drawbacks in the final tally.

So it was nice to read about a recent study out of the University of Minnesota that examined depression following first sexual intercourse. From the university's release:

Using data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, Ann Meier, University of Minnesota assistant professor of sociology, studied 8,563 seventh- through 12th-graders over an 18-month period, measuring for depression and low self-esteem. Meier compared the mental health of teens who didn't have sex to teens who were virgins at the beginning of the study, but who lost their virginity during the 18-month period.

She found that while the majority of teens did not experience depression as a result of first-time sex, some did -- those being the youngest teens (girls who had sex before age 15 and boys who had sex before 14) and whose relationship was not emotionally close and dissolved after sex. Girls in this group were particularly vulnerable to depression.

While these results aren't like to surprise many (except those who actually believe everything they hear in abstinence-only class) the study remains important both for the empirical evidence it brings to a topic lacking in empirical evidence, and for the way it complicates the topic by describing the role of sex in the lives of teens as it actually exists, in all its confusing glory.

Guys and Dolls: Fall For Tons of Amazing Love Doll Tonight!

When you think of sex dolls, what comes to mind? If your first thoughts are of bachelor party gags and gifts for lonely single friends, you're not alone. However, with the use of incredible new and improved technology, love dolls are no longer the sole property of the lovelorn. Even couples can enhance their fantasy role-play by incorporating a sexy doll into their normal routine.

With a doll for every fetish and sexual preference, there's sure to be one or two that will light your fire!

It's normal to be shy about expressing your sexual fantasies to a real-life lover, and that's one reason why love dolls are an amazing invention! With a doll for every fetish, you never have to worry about being rejected or ridiculed for wanting to experiment with something a little less traditional! Would you like a partner who comes prepared to practice bondage and discipline? What about the mature Mrs. Robinson of your dreams? We even have several big, beautiful girls for the taking.

Do visions of arousing Asian women dance in your head? You don't need to move to Japan to be wooed and wowed by a geisha. Our selection of ethnic dolls includes a greek goddess, a stunning ebony seductress, and an italian princess. Don't waste your precious vacation time on an island cruise when you can "lay" a hot island babe every night in the comfort of your own bed.

If you prefer a professional woman, don't fret. Play doctor with Naomi, the nurse who is always waiting at your bedside to perk you up, or go for a roll in the hay with your very own Milk Maid. Would you rather have a different kind of maid? This sexy lady is ready to clean out your drawers! Experiment with erotic role-play in the safety and comfort of your own home.

Guy's gone nuts after finding I've a sex toys

Question:
MY boyfriend and I had a huge bust-up because I went out and bought a vibrator. Our sex life has been getting a bit dull for the past six months.

He's ten years older than me - but only 35 - yet he's constantly knackered and we only make love once or twice a week.

When he found my sex toy he accused me of being selfish and not caring about his feelings. Now he's sulking and getting on my nerves so much I feel like walking out.

What did I do that was so wrong?

Tina

Answer:
NOTHING - but telling him first might have helped. I assume you didn't buy the biggest vibrator in the shop, because that could make your man feel a tad inadequate...

I suspect he is so upset because he's feeling down about his lack of sex drive - even if he won't admit it. He needs a check-up to make sure there's no medical reason why he's gone off the boil - then persuade him that you can both enjoy the benefits of your new toy by experimenting together in bed.

When Job Stress Saps Your Sexual Energy

What can you do when work woes lead to a lackluster libido? Or your husband falls asleep during sex? And which lubes are safe? Supersextoy answers your queries.

Q: As a general manager for a big office, I am under a lot of stress. Due to my work, my sexual appetite is not what it once was. My wife and I have been married for five years and we have always been very close sexually, but lately my life has been all work, all stress and no intimacy. Anything to recommend?

A: Yeah, I have some things to recommend: Put down the damn BlackBerry, stop taking your work home, shut off the cell phone.

Too simple and trite? "Oh, I just can't. My job depends on it!" Please. Stop whining. Look at the woman you married five years ago and tell me what is more important.

Where does this work-warrior culture come from, anyway? Do you think bragging over working 70 hours per week somehow makes you a brave modern knight, your PDA slung from your belt like your own Excalibur? Do you think you are going to heaven because you are still working at 9 p.m. and taking red-eyes to Boston? Sorry, pal.

Have you ever tasted fine olive oil and salted bread and fresh, cool wine while sitting on a white-washed terrace overlooking the blue Aegean with your wife sitting next to you, her beauty and her love a blessing you can't believe you deserve? That's heaven.

Can't afford the trip? Then take her out to dinner and talk about nothing work-related at all. Talk about a dream. Talk about the blue Aegean. The office will still be there tomorrow. No one is that important.

Stress experts agree that a major cause of stress is the feeling that we do not have control. But that feeling often is an illusion. We do have control. We can control how much stuff we buy, how much money we have to make to support that stuff. We can change our work environments.

Psychologist Alan Nagamoto, director of the UCLA stress clinic, suggests trying "to identify the specific source" of stress. If it is work, what is it about work? A collection of small things? One big thing?

Once you have identified the source, he says, ask yourself: "Is this anything I can do something about? Is it under my control?" Next, attempt a proper "adaptive solution." (Martinis don't count.) Sometimes that could mean doing nothing. Or it could mean making small or large changes - everything from delegating some tasks to finding a new job - to reduce stress.

Though it sounds cliché, a good workout and talking with trusted friends are good quickie stress-relievers. So is sex. Research proves it. Buck up and take your medicine like man.

By the way, your health could depend on controlling stress. Stress activates the autonomic nervous system, our fight-or-flight response. In the context of evolution, we are designed for short bursts of either running away or duking it out with the lion that is stalking us. Our bodies aren't made to run or fight all day, every day.

Besides, when we think we're on somebody's dinner menu, we tend not to think of getting it on with the cute wildebeest on the other side of the herd.

Q: My husband is 6-feet-tall and weighs over 400 pounds. He has sleep apnea and he can't stay awake during sex. He doesn't know this is happening, and I am turned off. How can I get turned back on?

A: Lady, your getting turned on is the least of your worries. The apnea, the obesity, the inappropriate sleepiness all make your husband a big risk for heart attack, diabetes, stroke and impotence.

No kidding, get him in to see his physician, ask the doc about a sleep specialist and a weight-loss program. It may take awhile, but in time, your sex problem should resolve.

Q: Are there certain lubricants that aren't good for women, like the ones that are petroleum-based? Can some promote yeast infections?

A: Time was, there was just K-Y. Now selecting sex lubes is like selecting wine. Stores shelves are full of different lubes.

If they are sold as a "sexual" or "personal" lubricant, they're likely safe. If they are sold as a "novelty," they may not be safe.

Many novelty lubes are flavored, and if they are, they may contain sugars that can promote yeast infections. This doesn't mean all flavored non-novelty lubes will, so read labels if you just can't face having sex that doesn't taste like choco-banana.

Petroleum-based products such as Vaseline don't make good sex lubes either, partly because they weaken condoms.

Silicone lubes can feel great, and they last a long time, but never use them with a silicone sex toy. They'll integrate with the toy and "melt" it, creating a gooey mess on the surface.

Water-based lubes may not last as long as the silicone-based ones, but they are safe for condoms, sex toys and you.