Getting Laid Not Depressing

One of the big ticket lies that government sponsored abstinence-only sex education is required to sell us is the idea that having sex before you are married will lead to mental health problems, specifically depression.

And while its certainly true that sex can make life more complicated, and depending on the sex, more depressing, it can also make life more fun, beautiful, interesting and engaging. And I think most sexual health educators would agree that there's a balance, and that the benefits usually outweigh the drawbacks in the final tally.

So it was nice to read about a recent study out of the University of Minnesota that examined depression following first sexual intercourse. From the university's release:

Using data from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, Ann Meier, University of Minnesota assistant professor of sociology, studied 8,563 seventh- through 12th-graders over an 18-month period, measuring for depression and low self-esteem. Meier compared the mental health of teens who didn't have sex to teens who were virgins at the beginning of the study, but who lost their virginity during the 18-month period.

She found that while the majority of teens did not experience depression as a result of first-time sex, some did -- those being the youngest teens (girls who had sex before age 15 and boys who had sex before 14) and whose relationship was not emotionally close and dissolved after sex. Girls in this group were particularly vulnerable to depression.

While these results aren't like to surprise many (except those who actually believe everything they hear in abstinence-only class) the study remains important both for the empirical evidence it brings to a topic lacking in empirical evidence, and for the way it complicates the topic by describing the role of sex in the lives of teens as it actually exists, in all its confusing glory.

How about some sex toys from Jamaica?

MOST JAMAICANS I know, raise their eye brows whenever the term 'sex toys' is mentioned. Many conjure up sleazy sex joints where dirty, old, sex-starved old men (and young men) go to masturbate in booths that show porn clips.

Others feel that sex toys are for 'maama men' who need to satisfy their women but are sexually deficient and need sex aids to help them out. The association of porn magazines and sex toys (such as artificial vaginas or full-size dolls for lonely men to take home) can be an obnoxious thought to the religiously conservative. Some of the negative reactions to sex toys are also results of the cultural pressure for men to be sexually adept. And, on top of it all, the sale of such items in Jamaica continues to be prohibited by law.

NON-DEMAND SEX

One of the solutions to much of the sexual dysfunction among Jamaicans is deflating the cultural pressure to be sexual heroes. Ignoring the sexual superman myth would reduce the tendency toward sex becoming a stage performance. Sex was created for lovers and love, the active ingredient, is patient and kind.

If the sex act becomes something that gives non-demand sexual pleasure without psychological pressure or guilt and a form of emotional closeness between two adult persons then adding a sex toy to the mix is less intrusive. And such non-demand sexual activity may not require penile penetration at all. To begin to appreciate the purpose of some sex toys is to be open to other forms of sexual gratification as complementary to what you do now. A sex toy such as a vibrator can spice up an otherwise so-so sex life for those who have been in committed relationships for more than five years.

So what are sex toys? A sex toy is any object or mechanical device that is made primarily to facilitate human sexual pleasure. The term does not include contraceptives, condoms or pornography.

A PLUG FOR VIBRATORS

There are many types of sex toys such as dildos (penis-like objects), vibrators, sexual lubricants, rings, and the list goes on. But the most commonly-useful devise is the vibrator. A vibrator is a battery or electrical-powered device that comes in different shapes and sizes; it vibrates with much more intensity than a hand, penis or mouth. Since most women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation rather than thrusting alone, the shape of a vibrator is not as important to women as the erogenous zone it hits. The devise is very useful for women who have difficulty reaching orgasm and for men who want to explore their erogenous zones. Here are some benefits of a good vibrator:

Vibrators can help you learn more about your body and increase your ability to reach orgasms much more easily.

Vibrators are a good way to start communicating with your partner in the bedroom.

Vibrators enhance love making (but they do not replace it).

Vibrators can do things that people cannot do - they can vibrate!

Vibrators are ideal sex toys for safer sex.

Since we all feel very strongly about what we do behind closed doors, introducing an unfamiliar, foreign object such as a vibrator may seem intimidating. You may want instead to introduce more familiar things such as grapes, jellies, honey or wine during the sexual encounter.

Make this year a sexually fulfilling one by stretching your creativity in the bedroom and finding new ways to make your love making more adventurous.

Doctor Says Sexsomnia (Sleep Sex) Is Real Disorder

New Scientist has cracked the sleep sex story once again, reporting on the effects sexsomnia has on intimate relationships. (If you, like me, are temporarily without bugmenot, just check the Reuters story, which is pretty close.)

It’s difficult to find much publicly available on the subject, but the next time you’re in the stacks at your local research institution (or you scam a login to one of these sites), here’s some places to start:

• Sexsomnia: a new parasomnia? This is the originating paper in the field. From the abstract: “Sexsomnia has some distinct features that separate it from sleepwalking. The automatic arousal is more prominent, motor activities are relatively restricted and specific, and some form of dream mentation is often present.”
• A phenomenology of problematic sexual behavior occurring in sleep. A more recent study drawn from Internet respondents. “Results suggest that sleep sex can elicit negative emotions and cognitions that may become a source of personal and relational distress. Clinician familiarity with problematic sleep sex may foster more effective communication with individuals presenting with such complaints.”
• You can also keep an eye on “sleep sex” studies, and sign yourself up at Sleepsex.org. Stanford ran this one in 2002, and found that “…symptoms [that] included loud, disruptive moaning on one end of the scale and sexual assault on the other. Regardless of how unusual or violent the behavior, patients had no memory of the events the next morning.”

Yes, sexual assault. One trend in the sexsomnia field is use the expert testimony of researchers to intervene in charges of sexual assault made against actual or alleged sufferers for the disorder. Wikipedia currently points to three different cases of rape charges being dropped when the assailant was shown to have sexsomnia. Of the three, however, one man was found guilty on appeal, and prosecutors are seeking a similar appeal in a second case.

What with how very little research goes into things sex, and the still-significant uphill battles rape survivors face in seeking legal redress, I think it’s safe to give decent pause at how the sleep sex field is developing, as, in the words of one sexsomniac, “Is this just a stipulation or a convenience [sic] excuse with men with a sex obsession?”

Guy's gone nuts after finding I've a sex toys

Question:
MY boyfriend and I had a huge bust-up because I went out and bought a vibrator. Our sex life has been getting a bit dull for the past six months.

He's ten years older than me - but only 35 - yet he's constantly knackered and we only make love once or twice a week.

When he found my sex toy he accused me of being selfish and not caring about his feelings. Now he's sulking and getting on my nerves so much I feel like walking out.

What did I do that was so wrong?

Tina

Answer:
NOTHING - but telling him first might have helped. I assume you didn't buy the biggest vibrator in the shop, because that could make your man feel a tad inadequate...

I suspect he is so upset because he's feeling down about his lack of sex drive - even if he won't admit it. He needs a check-up to make sure there's no medical reason why he's gone off the boil - then persuade him that you can both enjoy the benefits of your new toy by experimenting together in bed.

Seoul sexpo highlights sex toy industry

SEOUL, Aug. 30 (UPI) -- South Korea's version of Australia's Sexpo is under way in Seoul.

Organizers of the 2006 Seoul Sex Education Expo say the event is intended to enlighten the public about sexual health, while critics contend the event is a pretext to promote pornography, Chosun Ilbo reported.

The event will feature seminars on sex, medical consultations, exhibitions of sex toys and accessories, lingerie fashion show and strip shows, the newspaper said.

Chosun Ilbo says the original Sexpo has been held in Australia for a decade as a promotion venue for the adult industry.

The Seoul Sexpo says it hopes to "provide accurate information about sex, foster a more open approach towards sex, and search for a means of revitalizing the flagging domestic adult industry," the newspaper reported.